i hid the fact that i went clubbing from my boyfriend. he knew it and was angry about it. i have broken the trust which i have never lied to him. i have just realized that i really want him. sometimes i tell him off for no reason. sometimes i only go to him when i am bored. i have been so selfish i used him as my spare tyre. everytime. i throw tantrum at him when i am angry at other people. he has to take them all. now i realize. all the while i never placed any importance to him. but he has placed me at number one. but now i realize he has done so many things for me. sometimes when he worries for me, i never realize. when i lost my phone, he rushed all the way to maxis after work. to get me a new sim card. he gave me a phone to use. because he knows i would like to have one to use. i wanted an expensive bag. he wanted to sacrifice his daily food and entertainment to buy me that. there was even times when he deliberately had to wake up early in the morning to drive all the way from johor to fetch me from the airport in KL just so that i wont have to travel back home alone. i always thought this is what he should do. all i know is i am so stupid. i am so disappointed with myself. there are so many things i did which were wrong. it has caused me to make him lose trust towards me.. whenever he is tired but i complain that i am so bored, he wil stil bring me out. when i complain that i'm hungry. he'll cook food for me. when i complain of the water being too cold to bath, he'll prepare hot water for me to bath.. i cannot go on anymore.. i have made him feel that, everything else is more important than him..
i just want to say.. i am sorry...
i have to say wat i have done. sometimes i blog about the anger towards him. now i realize it is actually a ridicule to him. i complain a lot what he did to me. but i realize he never complained about me. why am i so bad? i have him . he is a very good future. he loves me so much. but i go doing things he never like. for someone to love u so much, it is so stupid to destroy everything with your own lies.
i am so mean i met up with a lot of people and i never told him. and i always complain about him. i am so sure that i am so pretty i can lose him and still, i wil have pursuers after me. i always complain that he is a lousy guy that he should be glad that he has me. however i think i should be glad because, he has treated me with all his heart. all his care. i always want to care about my image, but never his.
he dislikes me dressing up all sexily because he is just being protective. in my heart, i have always been annoyed why. but i still do so ignoring what he says. i have always thought, i can do anything i want. but only now i realize, it has hurt him a lot.
i never let him read my blog, because sometimes when i am so angry, i wil scold him here. and i dont wana let him read it. it is his ridicule as i tel people bad things about him, yet he doesnt know. but he has always respected me and trust me.
everytime when we quarrel, i would tell my close friends, how bad he treated me. i have humiliated him.
when i lost my phone, he was very worried about me. one of my friends told me, he is very concerned. this shows that he really love you. but i was very mean, i was very fierce to him due to frustration.
i am very happy, when you told me you would buy the bag from me. i told alice, i said, he's going to buy the bag for me. i am so happy.
yes, i told juee, i said, he reactivated my number straight away after work. just to make sure i have a number to use. he is so sweet. right?
yes i know, i have never shown happiness for all the things he did. but inside i am actually very happy.
i asked him to go back home this weekend so as i can go out clubbing with my friends. i threw him aside. when i want him to be here, i would stop him from going home. when i dont want him to know, i'll ask him to go back home.
ireally wanted to stay with him, i have even told mum, i want to stay here.
i dressed up skankily though he dislikes it. so i didnt tell him. however i never thought of flirting with any guy. i just want to look pretty. i deliberately dress prettily but i know he doesnt like it. so i didnt bother telling him.
there are many times i bully him a lot. i'd ask him to cook dinner, even after a long day of work. then i'll complain that everything is not nicely done.
i will, i will be the girl. because i finally know, how stupid i was to never realize it.
i have erased my blog. erased all the bad things about him. because from today onwards, i want to be commited and make it a better relationship. because, i see the hurt in him. it opened my eyes, how nice i should be to him. and i know it is worth everything. i will write more after everything pop back into my head..
